Small ProblemA Clue for the LooSilent TreatmentNot wanting to be the first to break the silene (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper... "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife had not wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Drunk Again FlynnFlynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt. His wife Mary was staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you? Flynn said, "Why would you say such a mean thing?" "Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly..... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror. Catholic GasSister Mary ran out of gas. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been lent out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic." Bill & Hillary Play BallBill and Hillary are at the Yankee season opener sitting in the in the first row, with the Secret Service agents directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back , and shakes his head. The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy." Bill hesitates but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people want." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "I'll kill you! You *%$%**!!!... The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up and down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong. The agent replies, "Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first 'Pitch'. displaying 7 to 12 out of 15 records.
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